Contemplative Coaching: When Advice Fails, Presence Begins

A Reflection on Coaching as Presence, Not Prescription

In a world that offers solutions before silence, coaching begins with something far more radical: listening.

Not the kind of listening that’s just waiting for its turn to speak, but one that steadies itself. One that holds. One that follows, without rushing ahead. This is the space I offer. And it may be unlike anything you’ve experienced before.

Coaching is not about advice. It’s not about fixing or correcting. It’s about being witnessed—gently, honestly, and with reverence for the person you already are.

Not Broken, But Becoming

For a long time, I believed I needed therapy to work through what wasn’t working in my life. I’m a natural talker, a deep “sharer,” and I’ve always had the ability to articulate and pull insights from within myself. So I went, ready to talk through my dissatisfactions, to find clarity, to feel heard.

Therapy was valuable in many ways. It’s a healing modality that begins with the assumption of ill-health, looking into the past to understand and address wounds that shape the present. The therapist brings expertise, often offering frameworks and advice, and for many people, this is exactly what’s needed. But I sometimes left feeling the process was more about prescription than presence, and that my own wisdom wasn’t fully engaged.

Later, I tried coaching. I didn’t know what to expect—I hadn’t done any research, didn’t know the methodology, or even that my coach’s role was simply to hold space and ask questions. What I found was clarity, upliftment, and empowerment. There were no conclusions handed to me, no advice sheets, no “here’s what to do.” Instead, there was deep presence—and from that presence, something essential in me began to emerge. I got more out of three coaching sessions than I did from fifteen therapy ones.

This isn’t to say therapy doesn’t have its place. For some, it’s lifesaving. And there are seasons when it’s exactly what’s needed. But for me, coaching was the space where I felt most seen—no external influences, no opinions, just 100% me in my authenticity.

In coaching, I realized: I’m not a problem to be solved, maybe I’m already becoming something beautiful, if I can just slow down enough to see it.

Coaching vs. Other Helping Professions

Psychotherapy assumes someone is coming in unwell, and together you look to the past to heal. The psychotherapist will explore the past with you and often offer insight or advice. Coaches, by contrast, facilitate personal discovery through presence and powerful questions. Coaching assumes health, and that you are the expert of your own life. The attention is on the present moment and the future. The goal is clarity and forward movement.

What makes coaching unique is that a well-trained coach isn’t directive. Counsellors, spiritual directors, mentors, and consultants typically hold authority and impart their knowledge—their opinion—onto you. Coaching shifts away from this, creating space for you to work things out with full support but without interference. Think about how unsolicited advice can feel intrusive, like when my father had terminal cancer, and everyone had an answer or a cure. While those other approaches are valuable in the right context, coaching is a rare experience: a designated space where all the attention is on you, and you’re free to figure things out in a truly authentic way, without external influence.

A good coach never steers you toward their own conclusions. Instead, they follow your lead, guiding you deeper into reflection and toward insights that come from within. Presence and cognitive resonance—the sense of alignment between your inner experience and your outer expression—are at the heart of this work. When someone is fully present with you, without distraction, judgment, or agenda, it creates a space where you can hear yourself more clearly and access deeper layers of truth.

My Coaching Approach: Contemplation and the Divine

I’m training in a coaching school that allows for the possibility of the Divine having a hand in the session. It’s rooted in a deep trust that the Spirit is already working in your life toward your fullest realization. When we sit down together, we enter a sacred space entirely about you. When we both remain open, we create room for the work of the Spirit to reveal what needs to be seen. With this as the framework, the questions become more pointed and profound—and the parts of you they touch do as well.

I call myself a contemplation coach because I believe the fullness of life is found in this orientation. Richard Rohr describes contemplation as a transformative practice of being fully present—heart, mind, and body—to reality as it is, allowing for a creative, loving, and nonjudgmental response to life. He often defines contemplation as “a long, loving look at what really is.” This presence isn’t about escaping the world—it’s about seeing it more honestly, and responding with compassion and solidarity.

Cognitive Attunement: The Mind’s Mirror in Coaching

While emotional attunement speaks to the heart, cognitive attunement engages the mind, tuning into your thought patterns, beliefs, and internal narratives. It’s about resonating with your mental and emotional state to create a connection and insight.

Neuroscientific research highlights the role of mirror neurons in this process. These neurons help us understand and empathize with others by mirroring their actions and emotions. In coaching, this means that a coach’s attentive, empathetic presence helps you feel deeply seen and understood, which in turn promotes insight and transformation.

Studies have also shown that coaching rooted in positive emotional engagement activates brain regions associated with big-picture thinking, motivation, and stress regulation. So when a coach is attuned to your thoughts and presence, it doesn’t just make you feel heard—it enhances your capacity for meaningful growth.

At its best, cognitive attunement creates a safe space where your inner wisdom becomes accessible and your next steps become clear.

Coaching and Centring Prayer: Partnering with the Spirit for Deep Transformation

My coaching approach, rooted in contemplation, finds a powerful companion in the practice of Centring Prayer. Both offer pathways to access deep inner wisdom. Both rely on the Spirit’s presence and action to facilitate transformation.

Centring Prayer is a practice of consenting to God’s presence and action within. Through stillness and surrender, it creates space for what Thomas Keating called the divine therapy, allowing the Spirit to gently surface and heal wounds, dismantle the false self, and guide us toward our true identity.

Contemplative Coaching shares this foundation: a belief that something greater is at work in your life. While coaching engages in intentional conversation, it shares with Centring Prayer a trust in the Spirit’s unfolding work.

Here’s how these two practices mirror each other:

• Stilling the Thought Stream: In Centring Prayer, a sacred word or breath helps still the mind’s chatter. In coaching, the coach’s presence and deep listening quiet distractions and invite reflection.

• Unloading the Unconscious: As silence deepens in prayer, old emotions and beliefs rise to the surface. This is the Spirit doing its healing work. Similarly, in coaching, the safe space allows hidden patterns and vulnerabilities to emerge and be explored with care.

• The Role of the Divine Therapist: In Centring Prayer, we rest in God’s unconditional love. In coaching, the nonjudgmental presence of the coach reflects this love and trust, inviting curiosity and self-compassion.

• Clearing the False Self: Returning to presence, again and again, loosens our grip on egoic narratives. In coaching, this shows up as identifying and shedding limiting beliefs and aligning with your authentic self.

• Movement Toward Truth: Centring Prayer moves us toward nondual awareness—direct experience of union. Coaching supports this by cultivating self-awareness, authenticity, and purpose.

Just as Centring Prayer is a container for divine therapy, Contemplative Coaching is a dynamic partnership—a sacred space for unlocking your deepest potential, led by presence, curiosity, and a shared trust in the Spirit.

The Limits and Power of Coaching

As with Centring Prayer, there may be times when something arises in coaching that’s better addressed with a mental health professional. Coaching isn’t a substitute for therapy, and part of its integrity lies in knowing when to seek additional support.

But the power of coaching lies in the profound space it creates: a space to uncover what’s inside you, to be witnessed without anyone else’s agenda, and to move forward with clarity and authenticity.

What to Expect in Coaching With Me

Coaching with me centers completely around you—your story, your values, your growth. Here’s what you can expect in a typical session:

• We begin by connecting. I’ll check in with you—where you’re at, what’s on your heart, and what you’d like to explore.

• I ask for your consent. If it feels right, we’ll go deeper. You get to set the pace and the depth.

• We dive in through questions. I’ll ask high-impact, open-ended questions to help you uncover clarity, insight, or direction in your life.

• You lead the content. You are the expert on your life. My role is to hold space, listen deeply, and reflect back what I see.

• We end with integration. You’ll leave with greater self-awareness—and often, a next step that emerged from within.

There’s no fixing. No diagnosing. Just presence, process, and discovery.

Live like dust lit by fire,

Nicho